Introduction
In this paper, I am going to discuss three counselling micro-skills. They’re; clarifying questions, a reflection of feelings and eye contact.
In clarifying questions, I want to look at how to clarify ambiguous thoughts, feelings or behaviours and develop the ability to reflect the Client’s explicit or inexplicit communications and practice developing natural caring eye contact skills.
According to Lisa F., Powers, (2006), clarifying questions are important in counselling, therefore, Counsellor must be careful with the kind of questions asked.
Following clarifying questions were used in a recent marital counselling session.
Client: “My wife had sexual affairs with another man”. “I was very angry so I wanted to do something about her but cool it down”.
Counsellor: Did I hear “you say you wanted to do some about your wife because she had sexual relations with another man”. Can you clarify that for me in other words?
Client: Yes, I mean, I wanted to kill or physical bit her up for breaking our marriage promise by having sexual relations with another man while I was at work.
The purpose of using clarifying questions is to clarify vague or ambiguous thoughts, feelings or behaviours which the Counselor has just heard from the client’s story. The Counselor employs clarifying questions like this to enrich the story: “Did I hear you say…? Lisa F., Powers, 2006,”
Clarifying questions merely invite the client to restate what s/he has just said and also the Counselor affirming to the Client what the Counselor has understood the Client have said. The clarification questions can be in a form of paraphrasing of the Client’s most recently stated story.
The Counselor asks the Client clarifying questions in respect to what the Client has said. The Counselor invites the client to say it in other words so that the story is well understood. Clarifying questions provide an opportunity for the Client to unearth the ambiguous elements of the story.
The Counselor listens to the story and processing them while the Speaker continues to talk. Most stories are emotional base. Therefore, the Clients may use different words to express their feelings, thoughts and behaviour. In such scenarios Counselor use clarifying questions to explore the patchy communications.
The clarifying questions present the Clients opportunity to scrutinize deeper into the issues thus unearth vague areas so that the Client work on an ideal future.
I must continue using clarifying question because ‘not all stories come in the same form but different sizes and shapes ’. Many time Clients do not speak their stories in a clear tone. They put up their stories in different forms to say the different thing that means another thing thus it become inexplicit for the Counsellor to process it. Like the above case study where the Client says;
"I wanted to do something about her”.
With the aid of clarifying questions, the ambiguous statement “I wanted to do something about her” apparently become visible. Clarifying questions merely removes the dark patchy areas so that issues are visible.
What I realize in clarifying questions from the above case is; the Client was protective of his evil mind. He was not free to undress the story but use the ambiguous statement to dig up the hidden envision actions. When the invitation was offered for clarity, he pauses for five seconds to free up the vague.
Reflecting acts like a minor; it gives back to the Client what s/he just has said. It let the Client know what the Counselor understand about the stories the Client has communicated (Lisa F., Powers, 2006).
The Client may express their feelings explicitly or inexplicitly using tone of voice, nonverbal communication the context, or the content of a client’s story (Lisa F., Powers, 2006). The Counselor use reflection skills to minor Client’s emotional verbal or nonverbal cues.
The purpose of reflection of feelings is to help the clients free up their emotional feelings to feel free, restore lost dignity and navigate the future with self-confidence.
The Counselor must clinically be an active listener of the ears and eyes of an eagle to see the unseen for an effective reflection of feelings, then the Counsellor painstakingly tours the Client’s world. The Counselor’s perfectness comes from attentive listening ears. Attentive listening is a skill that involves both eye and ears.
The Counselor ability to locate the Client’s feelings, positively raise the Clients self-awareness, concurrently, the Client’s feels that their stories are heard like the following case:
Client: “After hearing my wife had sexual relations with another man, I immediately remove her from my house but I am just thinking hard about my boy”.
Counsellor: You’re feeling sorry for sending away your wife and son without solving the problem.
Client: “Yes! “I was so angry that without a second thought I force my wife out of my house”. “Now the issue is settling down, I am feeling sorry for her and my son”.
If I wasn’t too clinical, I would have missed the verbal cue of “I am thinking hard about my boy”. This was an explicit statement so, with rich cultural background, I could easily pick up the verbal cues to reflect the Client’s feeling thus affirm his feeling toward his wife and son.
The Client pause for few seconds then communicates slowly when he said the following statement.
“I am just thinking hard about my boy”. When I notice his verbal and behavioural and cue, I relate them to the cultural context he confirms that he wants to sit down with both parents to solve the issues.
What stood out clear in this clinical scenario was the importance of listening for feelings cue, either in verbal or non-verbal communication, which was coming deep from a person’s heart, and it’s extremely important.
Reflection of feelings in counselling is a useful tool. The important element that stands out is how to add a feeling label. For example, It sounds like you are feeling…….or you feel………………because…………….
The important things to look at are the feelings words such as ‘sad’, ‘mad’, ’glad’,’ sorry’,’ worry’,’ scared’ (Lisa F., Powers, 2006) etc. Mastering the arts of reflection of feelings will enable the Counselor to provide quality service.
Eye Contact: Acording to Terhi, M., Helminen (2017) eye contact between the Speaker and Listener affects autonomic arousal. The time duration of 15-the 20s might break social norms, but in everyday encounters, the average length of a single mutual gaze is only about 1.5–3 seconds.
In Papua New Guinea’s cultural context, eye contact is rarely practised. Eye contact in counselling practice is underrated and can be easily misinterpreted in different social and cultural contexts.
Eye contact exchange a significant amount of nonverbal communication between the Listener and Speaker (Leonora, P, Volmink, 2015). Eye contact transmits ‘interest’, telling the Speaker their stories are important and the Listener is listening to support them. Employing natural caring eye contact can increase positive value, which the clients’ feel secure to release their story in safe hands. Good eye contact tells the Speaker that Listener understands every step the client is taking.
Eye contact connects the Listener’s and Speaker’s world, which builds rapport - a bridge that, facilitates the transportation of information. The eyes contact transmits love and care to another person- the Clients. Through the caring eye, the Counsellor can guide the Client to explore deeper into their stories.
Counsellor: I was attentively listening with my ears but didn’t realize that my eyes were at work processing vital information from the Client’s body language, which was a non-verbal communication that he was unable to express freely.
The Speaker reacts to his story as he unfolds it, which he communicating a message only the eyes can understand than ears.
As a Practitioner responds with a smile, nods of the head, yes (etc.) transmit interest and care with displays of positive body posture that increase self-confidence that demonstrate to him, demonstrates that the Counselor was there for him.
This experience helps the Counselor to appreciate that eye contact indeed inspires the Clients to unearth their stories without hesitation.
One thing a Counselor need to do is self-awareness of own body language to become an effective Practitioner. The consistent body language communicates a positive message like smile, good eye contact then direct eye contact, nodding of the head, reasonable dressing, good body posture like slight moving towards the Speaker displaying that the Counselor is attentively listening to the Client’s story.
Eye contact can bring about a positive relationship between the Listener and Speaker. Keeping a positive tone is staying on power tracking the clients into their stories. When the Counselor sends a mile message, Clients will reply with a positive smile that can build a significant relationship so the client will feel secure to free up their minds.
Reference Lists.
1.Basic counselling skills –skiils.com; https://.www.basic-counselling-skills.com/asking-questions.html
2.Lisa F., Powers, (2006), Lifeline/Childline Namibia: Community Counselor Training Toolkit, Module 2, Basic counselling skills, Participants Manual. www.fhi.org?NR/CounselingToolkitModule2ParticipantHV.pdf
3.Leonora, P., Volmink, (November 2015), The Role of Eye Contact in Promoting Effective Learning In Natural Science In The Secondary School, University of South Africa.
4. This, M., Helminen, (4 August 2017,) The Effect of Eye Contact on Arousal and Attention A psychophysiological perspective, Faculty Council of Social Sciences of the University of Tampere
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